Lonely

I don't like that feeling. I feel it quite often and I really don't like it. My mind wanders and I think silly things and then I stress. I can feel this way in a room full of people while I'm laughing and having a great time. I pray for that hole to be filled but I'm not sure I'm really listening to God and what he is saying.

This is something that I have struggled with since I was in school. It is on my heart now for a whole other reason - Thomas. He is following in my friend finding and keeping footsteps. He has been talking about how his friends tell him that they aren't his friends and that they don't want to play with him. It totally crushes his world and breaks my heart. We have been making progress and now we are regressing. I cry for him because I know exactly how he feels. It is lonely and sad and there is nothing I can do for him. All I can do is pray that God will give him a couple of good friends like he has given me. I also pray that one day he and his brother will be close and be able to be there for each other when it feels like the world has turned its back on them. I'm very grateful that I have a sister who is there for me when I need her most. And I so want that for my boys. I want to help Thomas but there is only so much I can do. I can set up play dates and sleepovers but that is where my help stops and his responsibility takes over. But there in lies the problem, he doesn't understand that his friends also have other friends, he is so my child. I wish I could be there for him every time someone says a hurtful word to him but I can't. I have to let him learn and grow.

One of my favorite movies is Home Alone. I watched that movie a lot as a kid and I always said that if any of my family talked to my kids the way that family talks to Kevin I wouldn't take it. But I'm not confrontational so I don't stand up for my babies. I don't like that! I need to get a back bone and stand firm for my kids, especially my self-esteemed challenged boy. As I watched that movie tonight with the boys I realized that I have fallen short in that area and I ask God for his and their forgiveness.

Thomas is my first born and I love him so much. It hurts me to watch him suffer and find his way in the school world. Behavior wise he is doing so well. Grade wise he is doing great, all A's & one B both 6 weeks. Social wise he is suffering. He is so sweet and tender hearted that the smallest rejection or hurtful word sets us back. During Thanksgiving break he was told that he was mean - he is so not mean! I was so upset and furious that I couldn't speak. We gathered our stuff up and left as quick as we could. Once we were in the car I let him know that he is not mean and that that should have never been said. But I didn't stick up for my baby in front of that person. I failed my baby! I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this.

I feel like this blog is jumping all over the place so I'm going to go and try to get some sleep. My request is this - please pray for me and Thomas. That I'm able to help him in the right way and that he is able to accept my help and put it to use. Also pray for wisdom for Eric and I. And pray for Jacob too.

Dear Lord,
Please be with Thomas as he finds his way, socially, in school. Please be with me and Eric as we try to be there for him through this. Please be with Jacob and not let him feel left out. I also pray that I can be the kind of mom that the boys need. Help me to grow a backbone and stand tall and firm for my children. Help me to make our house a home that has love flowing from it. I pray that when the going gets tough that my boys find refuge in You and Your love. Please place your blanket of protection over this family. In Your Name - Amen